Gaudy Patter

The advertisements are just as interesting as the radio programs themselves. Blue Coal was sponsored The Shadow -- their intermission spots were read by an overly cheery announcer, and oftimes, an old geezer named John Barclay would chimed with schtick espousing Blue Coal's superior qualities. (Never seen a photo, but in my mind, he looks just like Charles Lane, the character actor who's played crotchety old men since the mid-1930s.)

Barclay was the guy who trained your local Blue Coal dealer, and he had a knack for sounding sincere. Each pitch ended with a polite but curt, "I thank you." I may have to start using that.

Blue Coal always made sure to include malarkey from the boys in Marketing about preventing winter colds and flu through efficient heating. Did you know that in 1938, you could get a ton of free coal if you called your Blue Coal dealer, just as a promotion?

I'm not saying the thirties were the good old days, and there are a whole host of reasons why I would not want to time-travel to the past. But there's got to be something extremely satisfying about having a ton of something delivered to your house for fucking free.

One ad for Goodyear radials caught me entirely off-guard. The announcer is touting the tire's ability to grip wet roads by channeling road water through a deep groove in the middle of the tire, and then there's an eerie cackle before the spectral voice of The Shadow breaks in to remind listeners of the horrible fates that could befall them should their tires fail.

Bear in mind, the audience had just subjected themselves to 15 minutes of torture-murders, maimings, mass death, and other explicit forms of mayhem and lawlessness. I'm guessing that when The Shadow implored them to consider the health and safety of their loved ones, they took him seriously.

They use this tactic still, but it's subtler. Instead of having Jack Bauer take Jared out with a roundhouse kick so he can tell you about the new Chicken Caesar Sub, we get stolid, non-threatening Dennis Haysbert to tell us how the good folks at Allstate have our back should Grandma fall asleep with a cigarette.

I'm not sure which TV program maps best to The Shadow. This was a violent, violent program. One episode featured an extortion racket that blackmailed rich society dames. When one woman was slow to pay, the mob boss has his henchmen knock her out, and then he douses her face with acid. The sound effects and acting make it truly disturbing, and I felt as discomfited as I would have if I'd been watching a particularly exploitative L&O: SVU. I don't watch The Shield, but I hear it's pretty unsparing.

The best episodes star Orson Welles as The Shadow. As the hero's alter-ego, Lamont Cranston, his effete playboy demeanor is superlative.

What I like best about these programs is how quickly they pulled me in with a tight script and good acting. Each episode is very high concept -- and any one of them would have made for a better movie than this outing. Pee-yew.

Anyway, take a listen here, if it interests you.