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June 27, 2006
Frivolity and conviviality... on the clock.
A lifetime ago, I was the Webmaster for the world's largest mail-order retailer of comic books and science fiction memorabilia.
My boss clearly enjoyed his work. He'd been toiling for the company since college and was thrilled that I was creating an Internet presence for the firm. So thrilled, in fact, that he scheduled our weekly conference for Friday evenings after work in a local watering hole known as "Carlos O'Kelly's."
There'd we be on Friday evenings -- at a corner table in an increasingly noisy Irish-Mexican bar. He'd start off with lame attempts to talk business, but the ambient noise in the room rose in concert with his blood alcohol. Before long, his side of the conversation consisted largely of loud, speculative observations about the women in our office.
I'm a go-along-to-get-along sort of guy, but I hated this job AND it was thirty miles from home. Walking in my front door at 8 on a Friday night, coming from a job I despised helped me to find my voice after a month and a half of this bullshit.
"Any chance we could move our Friday meeting to the afternoon?" I asked him. As I recall, he sat backwards in his chair, elbows on the table as he drummed to "Walking on Sunshine" with swizzle sticks.
"What? But we can't come here for lunch! Well, we could, but -- you don't like meeting here?" The first two margaritas had made his tongue thick, but the third put some color on his cheeks and nose.
"It's just that I like to get home after work." I looked into his bloodshot eyes. "And you live a lot closeer than I do."
It was easy to read the disappointment on his face. He may even have started to formulate a managerial response that would have detailed how talking shop in an informal setting after work was the best kind of team-building. Instead, he sighed and called the waitress over for a fourth margarita.
The above is just preamble to the fact that there is a full bar in my office, and that the accepted way of introducing new employees or marking special occasions is to get everyone together for drinks near the kitchen after work.
As much as I like the individuals with whom I work, drinking in the office is not my bag. I imbibe with meals, and very seldom, in bars. This makes me a cheap drunk, which doesn't mean I'll end up photocopying my ass after a few drinks.
I generally introduce new hires by walking them around the office and introducing them to folks, but that's just me. Here, it's cocktails.
Also, I don't think I have that much to chat about with my co-workers. Strike that -- I know exactly how much we have to chat about: enough to get through the work day. Feeling a drink grow warm in my hand while I strive to make conversation that isn't controversial or personally revealing is actually my idea of a bad time.
And so, I will act like a poorly socialized individual. I'll make an awkward, self-effacing excuse to the group that's gabbing it up, I'll introduce myself to the featured new hires, and I will skedaddle home.
Posted by Your Protagonist at June 27, 2006 05:42 PM