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November 28, 2006
Restraint
... not shouting at the gent in the blue Camry who nearly clips me while I'm crossing the street, then parks his car at a jaunty angle about three feet from the curb.
He has a MENSA license plate frame.
... forgiving the woman in lavender Von Dutch sweatpants who asks the supermarket clerk for extra quarters. "Laundry night," she squeaks.
Princess, every laundromat in this town has a change machine, but you are a Child of God, so I'll refrain from kicking your behind until my leg tires.
... fighting the urge to grab one of the many recyclable cans and bottles in the back seat and hurl it at the slowpoke driving 10 mph in a Buick Riviera festooned with two pristine bumper stickers: "I Love My Cat," and "W '04."
Posted by Your Protagonist at 09:34 AM | Comments (0)
November 24, 2006
Thanksgiving impressions.
It's easy to tell vegetarians from carnivores tonight. I peg the reedy ones wearing corduroys holding an animated discussion about anime as PETA supporters. The meat-eaters are literally slumped in their seats, penitently breathing through slack mouths, dull eyes glazing over courtesy of Lady T: sweet tryptophan.
Everyone's holding plastic containers with leftover vice (greasy) or virtue (fibrous), except for me and a strung-out guy in his fifties wearing a down vest and striped suspenders. He asks everyone but me if they'll buy his scuffed sunglasses and avoids my glance as he works his way past.
"You've already asked us," responds a girl behind me.
"I lost my wallet," he croaks.
"I'm so sorry," says the boy with her.
The gentleman puts his shades on and crosses his legs while the kids go back to what they were doing; singing holiday songs in two-part harmony.
Liz is at home, improving upon the flu I brought home last weekend. I can't help but feel guilty, given the exquisite care I received. I'm feeling a little better now, though washing dishes and taking out the compost leaves me sweaty and enfeebled.
So far, she's just inherited my sore throat and headache. I'm hoping the bug has mutated so she won't spend 2+ days bouncing between fever and chills. Two nights ago, I stood in front of our heater wearing a knit hat and a turtleneck as the BTUs flew. My teeth chattered like chiclets inside a Folgers can.
I closed my eyes and saw myself lashed to a tree in my underwear in a blizzard while Rumsfeld doused me with buckets of ice water. Despite my protests, Liz heaped a blanket over my shoulders and helped me to the couch like a febrile James Brown.
After the movie, I wandered from one locked exit to another with a group of film patrons inside the vast new downtown mall. We eventually found a fire exit and our freedom before exchanging Thanksgiving greetings.
I furled my scarf and pulled my hat lower as the wind sliced down Market St. I had eight minutes to make the last streetcar.
Posted by Your Protagonist at 02:12 AM | Comments (0)
November 21, 2006
Michael Richards apologizes.
I didn't realize that this controversy coincides with the release of Seinfeld's seventh season on DVD. Liz said Jerry Seinfeld would appear on Letterman, so I stayed up to watch. Wasn't hard to stay awake, as I've been bouncing between fever and chills for the last day.
I was laying flat on the bed with a clammy hand over my eyes when she called from the living room to say Richards was on. There's no denying that the man is clearly haunted by what he's done. And he did take a step or two toward taking responsibility.
However, he also claimed that the rage wasn't directed just at the "Afro-Americans" he verbally assaulted, but at everyone in the room. According to Richards, he wasn't speaking from the heart. I was twitching with a core temp of 100.7, so I may not have it right when I remember him saying the bile he vented was of a piece with the same rage and ignorance that permits one nation to invade another.
A rambling mea culpa, but Letterman does a decent job of keeping Richards accountable. It's unfortunate that after screaming "nigger!" enough times to make his teeth white (hat tip: Paul Mooney), he actually praises the people who captured the video and spoke to the press, lauding them for making him accountable. Liz snorted when he responded to Letterman's question about making amends by saying he has some "personal work" to do.
UPDATE:
Props to Jamie Masada for refusing to have Richards back at the Laugh Factory until he apologized banning him from appearing at his club.
Read the transcript of Richards' apology here.
Posted by Your Protagonist at 08:02 AM | Comments (0)
November 20, 2006
Piercing the Veil
I'm re-reading W. E. B. DuBois' The Souls of Black Folk as research for a screenplay I'm developing. The story I'm cooking has bupkus to do with race, but as subtext, DuBois' treatise is incredibly useful.
I couldn't find the book on its own in a secondhand store, but it's bundled into a fat anthology. When I opened my yellowed copy this morning on the streetcar, the spine burst with a crack.
Something from Chapter 1 caught my eye:
...the Negro is sort of a seventh son, born with a veil, and gifted with second-sight in this American world, -- a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity.
At my desk, I took a few minutes to scan the zeitgeist before plunging into the tasks at hand. The entertainment news included this tidbit:
Kramer's tirade: Michael Richards, the actor best known for playing Kramer on "Seinfeld," performed at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood on Friday, and at one point exploded into a racist tirade against two audience members he felt were heckling him. After yelling "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass," Richards went on to scream racial epithets as the men left, and from the video, most of the audience got up to leave as well. An audience member caught what happened on tape -- you can watch the video here. (TMZ)
Seriously, watch the video.
I enjoyed watching Seinfeld in the 90s, though I burned out quickly due to wall-to-wall reruns. But the next time I blip past Jerry and the gang while channel-surfing, I expect to feel a most peculiar sensation.
UPDATED: Click the video pane below to start playing the video.
Posted by Your Protagonist at 10:05 AM | Comments (0)
November 14, 2006
One clumsy masked bandit.
Walking down the street, minding my own at about 7:45 p.m. when I heard a scrabbling noise above my head.
I'd barely completed my next stride when something whooshed past my nose and smacked the sidewalk with a force. My brain was taking forever to process events -- what is that? is that a cat? no, too big. Daylight savings and a paucity of streetlights on our block weren't helping.
ringed tail/humped back
The raccoon lay still and quiet, about three feet in front of me. I'm vaguely familiar with Procyon lotor, so I resisted the urge to take the little fella home and look him over for boo-boos. Rabies and distemper are excellent excuses for missing work, however. Slackers, take note.
It shook itself and let out a low growl. While I was wondering whether I was going to have to stun Ranger Rick with my 30G iPod, it rose on its haunches and scuttled uncertainly up the block. The creature weaved into the first available yard before backing out in an anxious daze, then darting into the next yard, repeating this pattern all the way up the block.
At the end of the street, it crossed over and ran back down the block in the opposite direction. A very large man walking a very small dog jumped aside while die Waschbär scuttled past in search of a quiet spot where he/she could pull itself together. I lost track of the furry acrobat in the shadows.
So: Gravity, 1/Raccoons 0. Also, I'll be checking our windows closely this evening.
Posted by Your Protagonist at 11:12 PM | Comments (0)
November 03, 2006
Headline of the week
Apparent UCF Hazing Ritual Included Crying Men In Fairy Wings, Diapers
Posted by Your Protagonist at 11:10 AM | Comments (0)