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December 05, 2006

Scene on Sunset.

I spent last weekend at Robert McKee's Story seminar in Las Vegas. It was a birthday gift from Liz. Three days, 12-hour sessions. I'm still making sense of it, but more about that later.

On Day 1, McKee related a "true story" that entertained the class. After he wrapped it up, he asked us:

"Did I describe that as a screenplay, or was that in the style of a novel?"

"Screenplay," I said under my breath.

"Novel," said most of the others.

"Novel," agreed McKee. "I told that story entirely from her point of view -- we were in her head."

Chastened, I thought about that correction for hours. I was entirely wrong, but the telling of the story was so evocative. In 90 seconds, he put me right there.

Back at the Luxor, I scribbled this scene in an attempt at redemption. It's no Casablanca, but it certainly beats the pants off the TV adaptation starring David Soul as Rick Blaine.

I've embroidered his anecdote in an effort to flesh out the protagonist. If you have any feedback, please leave a comment -- I'm chiefly interested in hearing what, if any feedback you have on the main character.

More on the Story seminar later, most definitely.

Read on, Macduff.



                                                               FADE IN:






               EXT. NEWSSTAND ON SUNSET BLVD. - DAY



               A pair of DAZZLING BLUE EYES fills the screen -- the camera pulls

               back to reveal a People Magazine cover touting the "Sexiest

               Man Alive." A woman's hand shoves him aside, and we pull out further to take in BRENDA RASNICK, 37,

               professional. She's carrying a oversized purse and a wool jacket

               that matches her just-so skirt. She snatches copies of The

               Economist and The New Republic.






               EXT. SUNSET BLVD. - MOMENTS LATER



               PASTY TOURISTS and TANNED ANGELENOS amble past in tees and

               shorts. BRENDA's bangs are plastered to her forehead;

               perspiration soaks through her silk blouse.



               A retro sign for an ice-cream parlor catches Brenda's eye.






               INT. SUGAR'S ON SUNSET - CONTINUOUS



               An old-fashioned soda fountain with counter stools and a

               stamped-tin ceiling. Two GOTH GIRLS wearing dramatic makeup

               and gingham aprons slump behind the counter. BRENDA stands

               directly beneath an A/C duct, browsing the ice cream

               selection.



               The front door bell tinkles, and in walks an inexcusably

               handsome man. He is the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. The Goth Girls

               smirk and exchange brief nods. Brenda puts her hand over her

               mouth, then catches herself.



               She turns to the wall and inspects her reflection in an old

               Coca-Cola mirror. She starts to fluff her hair, then frowns,

               before stepping up to the counter.



                                   BRENDA

                             (overly formal)

                         Good afternoon. One scoop of green

                         tea and a scoop of mango. In a

                         sugar cone, please. 



               GOTH GIRLS 1 and 2 exchange blank looks until Goth Girl 2

               sighs and opens the freezer case.



                                   GOTH GIRL 1

                             (ringing her up)

                         Four seventy-nine.



               Brenda steals a glance and sees the Sexiest Man Alive

               browsing ice cream cakes in a corner display.






               EXT. SUNSET BLVD. - MOMENTS LATER



               BRENDA smiles until she sees her reflection in a storefront.

               She's holding a napkin, her jacket and her bag. That's

               all.






               EXT. SUGAR'S ON SUNSET - MOMENTS LATER



               BRENDA walks to the door, hesitates, turns around. She sighs

               and pushes the door open with effort.






               INT. SUGAR'S ON SUNSET - DAY



               GOTH GIRL 2 is behind the counter while GOTH GIRL 1 helps the

               SEXIEST MAN ALIVE select an ice cream cake. BRENDA walks to

               the register.



                                   BRENDA

                         I forgot my ice cream cone.



               Goth Girl 2 points at an empty plastic tray on the counter

               next to the register.



                                   GOTH GIRL 2

                         You sure?



                                   BRENDA

                         I left less than a minute ago.

                         Green tea and mango.



                                   GOTH GIRL 2

                         Green tea and mango?



                                   BRENDA

                             (eyes darting between Goth Girls)

                         Aren't you the one who -- I was

                         just here! Maybe someone else took

                         it by mistake. Can you --



               The Sexiest Man Alive walks up behind Brenda and taps her

               shoulder. He leans in close and looks straight into her soul

               with glacier-blue eyes.



                                   SEXIEST MAN ALIVE

                             (whispering)

                         You put it in your purse.



               The look of genuine humiliation on Brenda's face makes us

               eager to



                                                         FADE TO BLACK.

Posted by Your Protagonist at December 5, 2006 11:37 PM