« Success? | Main | Quick takes on a Thursday morning. »
January 18, 2007
Next train: 6 minutes
I was showered and dressed earlier than usual this morning, so I sat on the sofa and attempted to will myself into a state of wakefulness. I opened up my laptop and visited NextBus.com so I wouldn't have to stand in the cold for more than a few minutes.
Leaning back, I kept an eye on the refreshing countdown on the screen: "Next train: 10 minutes/18 minutes/34 minutes." I speculated on the variables that caused these intervals to compress and expand -- a stalled utility truck? A train operator battling migraine and a failing marriage?
After a minute of this, I fell asleep.
In my dream, I sat on the floor at the other end of the sofa and sorted through old mail. My cat lolled in a sunbeam on the Persian rug and batted at motes of dust. My friend Tom sat on the sofa, his eyebrows raised like he was waiting for me to respond to something he'd just said.
Tom died last summer.
I yammered off a list of questions. This happens each time I dream about Tom. "Where have you been? My God! I missed you so much. We all -- why did you go? Where have you been?"
He lowered his eyes and angled his head slightly away. In life, Tom masked his emotions with humor and other defenses. Here, he was clearly struggling.
"Hey, c'mon," he drawled in a midwestern twang. "You think this is easy for me? I hate this." He rubbed the palms of his hands on his knees.
I opened my mouth to speak, but all I had were more questions I knew he couldn't answer, so I didn't say a word.
I woke up weeping, then splashed my face and checked the train timetables. Next train: 6 minutes.
Posted by Your Protagonist at January 18, 2007 12:31 AM